Shopping with Teens and Tweens--How to Have Fun and Find Common Ground

“No, it’s too short.”

“You like that???”

“You’re not wearing that.”

“Mom!!!”

Such conversations are heard in malls across America. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of great shopping choices. The big box stores offer redundant fare: grunge, revealing tops, dozens of the same old thing, and an environment that makes it hard to even think. Shopping then becomes selecting from bad options.

However, shopping together does not have to be drudgery. It can be a fun experience, for daughters and their moms. My fourteen year old daughter, Alex, and I are becoming local experts on dressing teens and tweens in style and fashions that they will love, and their mothers will not hate.

Here are a few suggestions for moms and daughters to improve your shopping experience.

Allow time to shop. Kids are already rushed. Making special purchases the day before they are needed increases stress for both moms and daughters. Rushing creates stress, especially if you are looking for something in particular. Think ahead of those special events and shop early. Even if you do not purchase the item early, you get a sense of style and the options that are available.

Try something different. The old adage applies: if you do what you always did, you will get what you always got. Look in a new store or check out a new department. Try something on you would not have considered in the past. Go to a different mall. You will be surprised what happens when you shop in different surroundings.

Watch their eyes. Regardless of what they eventually say, I have learned to tell instantly whether a teen likes something or not. They know instantly if it excites them. Keep your eyes open and you can learn to tell too. Remember: our style is not our daughter’s style, and that is just fine. After all, you would not like everything in your best friend’s closet. So do not expect your daughter and you to always agree on what’s cute.

Speak concretely, not emotionally. You can, however, agree on whether it’s appropriate. Shopping can be a test of wills, but it does not have to be. If you feel a garment is too revealing or too bold, say so and describe why. Describe why a garment is inappropriate in concrete terms, rather than from an emotional reaction. Our girls wear what the market offers them. If we don’t stand up for our daughters and declare what is appropriate and what is not, the market will not change, and we will continue to be stuck with same limiting options we’ve always had.

Whether you enjoy shopping or not, shopping together offers time together. It can be a time of give and take, of gaining insight, of simply laughing in each other’s company. Enjoy!


Zelaz is an on-line teen and tween clothing store. It specializes in “Clothes you love and your mother won't hate.” Basically, clothes that are fun, appropriate and not geared toward sexual suggestiveness. Zelaz serves fashion conscious and yet real human sized adolescents. For instance, those who are small on the bottom and developed on the top can find outfits. Zelaz serves all girls. 5% of all sales are donated to girl empowerment non-profit organizations. Check out

http://zelaz.com